The Alcoholic Mom, and How She Got Here

I recently became sober, almost 2 months ago, after over 10 years of alcohol abuse. It took me until the ripe age of 30 to finally admit to myself that I have a problem- that I am an alcoholic. It sucks. It really fucking sucks knowing that I will never enjoy another beer, Long Island, or swig of fireball. Then again, it was rarely ever just one drink. Whether I did actually have one or ten, I always wanted more. I didn’t want to quit until I blacked out or I ran out. Once I hit a certain level of drunkenness, there was no stopping me. That is not normal. It was not okay. I needed to change for years.

I would go through cycles. I would fuck up by getting too drunk, doing something stupid, and having regrets or not remembering what happened. After, I wouldn’t drink for a while until my guilty conscience was no longer an issue. I’d be okay and not get too drunk for a few weeks, even a month sometimes. Then, it would happen. Just like clockwork. I’d get hammered and make mistakes. This was my cycle.

I thought when I had Nova, things would change. And they did for about a month. That’s when my first post pregnancy blackout happened. I swore it would never happen again. But it did. It happened 4 more times. That same damn cycle every month. It was the last blackout that gave me an epiphany. After talking with my husband about how it would never happen again, the same old speech I gave him every time, something clicked. I knew if I didn’t change, I would lose everything and never get better. The next day I told my husband I was quitting drinking. Him and my daughter deserve an amazing wife and mom.

So, here I am. If you’re still reading, stay tuned for the stories, failures, triumphs, and memories to come from The Alcoholic Mom.

Thanks for reading.

– Carrie Harmon

8 Replies to “The Alcoholic Mom, and How She Got Here”

  1. Great job, we all think that a life event like getting married or a new baby will change us for the better. Then we are back at it, thinking we can handle, you told my story very well. Thank you for letting me know that being an alcoholic has not changed. I pray every day for the still suffering alcoholic that they find my way of life… I love that you have.
    Love you… Jeff

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Good job Carrie. It takes a lot of courage to admit that you have a problem. Keep up the good work and remember that your husband and little girl are well worth it.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. The first step is truly the hardest….admitting you have a problem!! That’s not to say you will have smooth sailing from now on out but your drinking is forever messed up!! And that’s OK!! Proud you made that first step…there is so much help and support along the way….it’s been over 30 years for me and some days are a struggle but I know that my grandkids will not know me as a drunk or if I die it won’t be as a drunk….used to be my kids….time has changed that!! I may be older but the journey is the same….reach out to me anytime!!

    Liked by 1 person

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