Bad Moon Rising

Dealing with your emotions is tough at times. Especially when you’re someone like me- a mother, a veteran with PTSD, anxiety, and depression, and newly sober.

You want to be distant but people want you to be normal. You try your best to be attentive, but you can’t please everyone. There will always be someone to tell you you aren’t doing enough. All you can do is your best. That is what I’m trying to do.

Working on yourself takes time, effort, and love, something you probably haven’t done for quite some time. I’m learning to accept my past, love my flaws, and move on to a hopeful, more vibrant future. It’s a one day at a time adventure I’m living and it’s not always rainbows and butterflies.

All days are not good days. You’re going to have some pretty shitty moments. Sometimes, anger gets the best of you. You may feel sad and hurt, but what comes out is pure, unfiltered anger. It’s times like this where the bottle would comfort me. Now, I don’t have that same vice I once did. Finding a healthier alternative is key. I’m so thankful I found this blog and began writing down my thoughts, memories, and feelings.

I guess, the moral of the story here is shit happens. You’re going to have bad moments and you’re going to have exciting ones. It’s up to you how you react to those things. I let a fucked up situation over some shitty words get me in a bad mood today. I got mad instead of being hurt, like I was feeling. I’m still learning to practice what I preach. Fortunately, the day is not over and my day is still good.

Live, learn, love, and repeat. Bad things will come around, but you can choose to approach them with knowledge, understanding, and compassion. Remember that.

Thanks for reading.

– Carrie Harmon

2 Replies to “Bad Moon Rising”

  1. Anger is something I have to keep a watch on carefully…..because when I looked back over my drinking history it was anger that fueled my desire to drink and bury my feelings. It was “easier” to deal with anger than to touch the underlying pain that was there beneath it all. Anger kept me drunk. And people react better to someone being angry than a crying mess right? Probably a better description is rage….a rage that simmers and boils beneath the surface just waiting for the “right” thing to unleash it (or person, more than likely) on. To control it I would drink. In a safe environment without the assist of alcohol or anything else to numb the senses it takes a lot of work to push thru all that rage to get to the deep, underlying pain that is beneath it all. Now, if not dealt with in a healthy way, it robs me of serenity and peace that I worked hard for. If in the wrong, make amends. Don’t let it fester. But also don’t hurt someone else for what is perceived as a wrong towards you. Write it privately on paper and get it out of your head!!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I am a classic avoider. I don’t do emotions and feelings very well (although, the past couple of years has had me a complete emotional wreck). I can relate to the PTSD as an ex-cop. And depression has done me in a number of times – primarily the reason I began drinking was to numb everything I was feeling. And now, 4 days since my last beer, I’m feeling all of that crap coming back in…

    But, we got to hang in there, right?

    Liked by 1 person

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